Teaming the Cube

23rdApr. × ’09

Our CEO informed us that, once a month, we’ll be having Team Time. Essentially, team building exercises. My mind was already pruning up at the memory of the last company bonding I had done whilst working in an advertising agency. I was fairly certain these exercises would have far less young men in manicured stubble trying to convince me that the latest commercial they had made about the Ford Mondeo, truly transgressed the line between advertising and art, becoming a metaphor that gave voice to humanities inner desire to attain cup holders for the soul.

Our team-buidling had far less cocaine and no crying PA’s at all. Instead we had a woman, who was a trained psychologist, only she referred to herself as an “esteem-whisperer

She sat us in a circle and explained that in order to truly be a team, we would need to form trust. To do that, we needed to share a secret. Something we hadn’t told our friends or family. Everyone stayed very still and silent.

The woman then turned to my boss and said

Well to get the ball rolling, why don’t we hear from from your manager?

My boss was visibly anxious, but using his pride as a shield, he stated in an overly confident manner

Before I pee, I pinch myself to make sure that I’m awake, so that I don’t wet the bed

I’m fairly certain it’s not a good sign for the psychologist to burst out laughing. Even worse, is the fact she couldn’t regain her composure, and had to excuse herself because she thought she might wet her underpants.

Mike commented that she should pinch herself, just in case. You could hear her crying with laughter as she ran up the hallway to the ladies room. That was until she loudly yelled “oh fuck

I have to say, as far as team-building goes, my morale has never been stronger.

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