Sick Daze

27thMay. × ’09

Whenever I have to deal with IT, I usually have a good experience. I think my own nerdosity somehow translates into preferential treatment. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m only fairly nerdy. I couldn’t tell you what the hell the end of Akira meant, but I can still say it was a great film. If at all possible, I try to deal with Scott for any IT matters. He’s polite, funny and generally fixes any problems I have within minutes.

Today I couldn’t go to Scott because he was home with the flu. I had to go to Ulrich. This is not a good thing. Scott delights in sharing his knowledge of computers with you, so that you can understand what to look for next time. Ulrich hordes his information like an autumn rabbit. He’s the sort of person who will scoff at you for not having committed your IP address to memory. Apart from that, he is the creepiest person I have ever met. I don’t know if he’s the next step in evolution, but if Darwin were to compare other humans to Ulrich, he’d notice that the genes that imbue a person with “tact” and “not asking women directly about their breasts” were completely absent.

I could go into a thorough description of just how perverted and creepy Ulrich is, but it’s better to sum him up this way. A while ago, a few of the sales guys were discussing their pre-work fitness regime. It’s a pseudo martial arts exercise program comprised of kick-boxing, break-dancing and hyphenated words. One of the sales guys was describing how hitting the punching bags really chafed his fist.

Ulrich remarked “Yeah, I have that problem with my wife

We were all a bit shocked that he would just come right out with such a damning admission of domestic violence. No one knew quite what to say. All I know is, awkwardness tastes just like the roof of a drying mouth after coffee. A couple of the guys looked like they were going to speak, but thought better of it. Ulrich must have registered the prevailing mood of discomfort and said

Oh… No, no, no, I meant her vagina. Saturday is date night

Then he left because he remembered something he needed to grab from the chemist for the weekend. The guys who witnessed it, all chipped in for some fresh fruit and vitamins to be couriered to Scott’s home, along with a card saying “Get Well NOW


Yo, where my tweeps at? –

This entry was posted in Cubicle Musings and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *