A Swore Subject

1stJun. × ’09

The one thing I love about Steph is her inability to grasp swearing. In every day conversation her language skills are fine, but should she need to use expletives, she just can not cope. I think it’s partly to do with the fact that, as a person, she is just so lovely and polite that she doesn’t even know how a rude word works. That was until she had to go see Ulrich about replacing her laptop.

As you may know already, Ulrich works in IT and is a complete and utter pervert. He once explained to me over lunch how he wasn’t into kinky sex, because he didn’t like all the poo eating. I mean Jesus, most people might do some role playing or a bit of a hair pull. That’s his cut off – eating excrement. I had never heard Steph swear before, and let’s just say that her first foray into cuss words wasn’t a strong one.  After she had been over to see Ulrich, she flopped into her chair and slapped her hand on the desk. I ventured to ask if she was ok and she replied

I hate Ulrich. That guy has been on my prick all day!

I didn’t have the heart to correct her, so I opted to ask what he had said to elicit such an angry reaction. She wouldn’t say.  When I did catch up with Ulrich in the office kitchen, he said she over reacted to a question he’d asked. Apparently Ulrich had enquired whether Steph had a sister. She told him she indeed did have a younger sister back in the Philippines. Then he asked her “Does your little sister have bigger breasts than you?

I asked Ulrich why on earth he would want to know that. His eyes narrowed and he said “It’s for a project I’m doing”. I thought about asking what the project was, but in the end, I really don’t want the answer. As I turned away to walk back to my desk, Ulrich asked if I’d seen Steph’s bra today. He grinned at me like a sex offender who beats up grandmothers and said

It’s way too small for her and cuts into her boobs. I love bras like that. You get four tits for the price of two”.

I could hear him waiting for a high-five. It was not forthcoming.

Yo, where my tweeps at? – http://twitter.com/DUFL
Also, if you want to read the details of my love life, hit up – Plenty More Fish

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One Comment

  1. Posted June 2, 2009 at 6:26 PM | Permalink

    I love these stories, I log into your site more than my email.

    btw.. Are you concerned that the site may get so popular, your workplace might actually find out. I mean, how many workplaces have a guy name Ulrich (besides europe)?

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