Mirror Mirror, Off the Wall

24thMar. × ’09

One of my many bosses just called me into his office. As I got out of my ergonomic chair, I could feel the prickle of sideways glances as my colleagues sank lower in their chairs, the more I stood out of mine. He motioned for me to close the door behind me, and in a hushed tone, asked me to take a seat. He hunched forward over his desk and asked me if I’d ever thought about my future in this company. I ignored the familiar tingle of impending redundancy, and of course lied and said I had. Out of nowhere, he asked me if I’d like to be rich. With a child-like hubris he told me about his idea. A million dollar idea, that would have him “knee-deep in bitches.” Balding men in their forties, who have chicken kiev stains from our cafeteria on their tie, should never dare to utter that phrase. It’s like a Rabbi with a Hitler moustache – It’s possible, but No… Just no.

He wants to build a website that is a mirror. I’m not talking about a duplicate website allowing other countries to easily download data.

 Like an actual – reflective - mirror.

That way, women could check their make up at their desk, without having to trot off to the ladies room. Increasing productivity and also raising what he termed, “the Hellz Yes Scale” of an office. If I help him build it, he’ll cut me in for ten percent of the profits.

I never knew that silence had a smell. It’s sort of like burning brain cells, with an ever so slight tinge of bile.

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One Comment

  1. Jake
    Posted March 25, 2009 at 6:42 PM | Permalink

    Ha Gold! You should have an email subscription for this blog.

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