Jerk in Progress

6thSep. × ’09

Monday mornings are when we have our WIP. An office acronym standing for Work In Progress. It’s a super fun way of finding out exactly how many nights you’ll be working late this week.

Polly, our new Sales Manager, was making small talk with the other girls in the room. When she speaks, she looks just like a creepy illustration from a Roald Dahl book. It’s pretty amazing to watch her talk actually. Apart from the fact Polly wears so much make up that she looks like mutton dressed as whore, everyone in the office, particularly the girls, try their best to discern whether she has breast implants.

In fact, the entire office is engaged in a secret war to try to make her laugh, just so they can monitor the chest jiggle or lack there of. Her rib glands are so disproportionate to her body shape, that if you saw her silhouette you might mistake her for a coconut palm that had lost all it’s leaves.

She was busily boring us all by describing her fitness regime, involving an hour of pilates in the morning, then weights after work at her local gym and finally a vodka and a cigarette as a reward for her hard work. I called it a ‘Supermodel’s dinner’ – there was no jiggle. Steve seemed pretty uninterested in the whole conversation and said

I’m just going to knock up my girlfriend so that she’s trapped. Then I can get as fat as I want to. It’s going to be awesome

I think it says a lot about Steve when after saying something like that, our only response was “You have a girlfriend?

Yo, where my tweeps at? –
Incimadentally – I’ve got a new post up on spareroom about speed dating… dun-dun-duuuunnn.

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