Rise & Shudder

20thOct. × ’09

Motivation, some people don’t seem to need it at all, others drink it from Styrofoam cups. You have to admit though; there is a breed of person who is unfalteringly chirpy in the face of adversity. Where some would simply give up or indeed just not care, these chosen few switch their frowns into reverse and don their best theatrical winks every day of the week. They exhibit the blind optimism of people who nail up missing bird posters.

I wouldn’t say that I’m highly motivated, unless it’s something I’m passionate about. As you may have surmised, I’m not all that enraptured by my office. I think writing about it is the only thing preventing me from doing a celibate Michael Hutchence in the storage room. Although this week has been somewhat of a blessing, for you see, my boss is on holiday. The days have flown by so smoothly I barely realised he was gone, although the youngest girl in our team has taken it upon herself to become our departmental cheerleader in his absence. Envision the relief of finding out you don’t have HIV being replaced by the gut-punch of Herpes. 

Due to a downpour last night, I had planned to spend my morning cycle wrapped up in my warm bed. I liked this plan, it was a good plan and everything was going according to it. Until, despite turning off my alarm, I was still rudely awakened by the piercing electronic beep of my phone. It was a message from Princess Perky. The contents of which was so mind bogglingly offensive to read at 7am that it had me reaching for my leather belt and gauging whether my ceiling fan could take my weight.

I’ve had to fight the urge to grammatically correct the following, but I feel that any changes would be like giving the Mona Lisa a breast augmentation.

Whats fuzzy, filled wit letters & makes u feel good.
GOOD MORNIN. Spread the smile and give at least 2 people a hug on ur way in.
I love you guys

7am… Christ, it’s like waking up to find a Care Bear smoking a cigarette in bed with you and saying ‘boy, you were really drunk last night, but not too drunk


Yo, where my tweeps at? – http://twitter.com/DUFL

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  1. Carla
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 6:57 PM | Permalink

    haha care bear! love it. glad you’re posting more!

  2. Aimee Henson
    Posted October 21, 2009 at 4:35 AM | Permalink

    You are what I wake up and run to my email for! I hope you keep posting. You crack me up.

  3. The Unhelpful Tech
    Posted October 21, 2009 at 6:41 AM | Permalink

    Ha, that dumb bitch is annoying.

  4. Posted November 3, 2009 at 3:32 PM | Permalink

    Yo. where’s my DUFL? You finally been caught out and sacked?

  5. Anonymous
    Posted November 4, 2009 at 4:21 PM | Permalink

    As I kneeled in the dimness, my own blood mingling with the pigs blood, I began to feel queasy. Having another long drag on the vodka bottle didn’t help. It must have been the flood of flies eminating from my eyes, nose and mouth. Picking up my fingers from my right hand in my left I placed them in my jeans pocket, and stuffed the hunting knife down the back. Piss ran down my leg.

    If this was going to continue, I would need more methamphetamine, and definately more cigarettes. Just then my phone beeped. Smearing blood over the screen I could just make out:

    “Whats fuzzy, filled wit letters & makes u feel good…”

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