Face Off

1stDec. × ’09

No matter who you are or what position you hold within an office there is one golden rule “Hold it together in front of the client”. You might have just found out that your mother died during intercourse with your girlfriend and a Dyson, but as far as the area above your neck is concerned, it’s client-face until that final handshake in the lobby. Elevators are made for crying, boardrooms are made for firing. Steve, the man who tact forgot, is usually the grandmaster of client-face. Today I saw that mask slip a little, well if I’m honest, a lot actually. Quite a lot.

In the middle of a very important strategy meeting for next year’s Sales pipeline, which basically means how much money the Sales team will be bringing in. My boss likes to refer to the pipeline as ‘The Ho-Basket’. The name came about from some after work drinks where I pointed out that rappers must have some form of Budget for the Ho’s in their video clips. That there is literally an accountant who sits there and dictates how many rump flapping girls they can afford to drape over the rap artiste at any given time. My boss enjoyed the concept so much that The Ho-Basket moved into our office lexicon.

The Sales Manager Polly was pointing out the value we could add to the client’s advertising campaigns for 2010 and I was doing my best to keep my client-face shining. Steve’s pocket rang out loudly. I didn’t recognise the tune, it was your standard teenage pop-starlet type of song. The kind where you know the singer was carefully strategising when to leak her next accidental sex-tape, complete with Pepsi product placement next to a set of vibrators and furry handcuffs.

Steve played it cool, excused himself and stood just outside the door of the meeting room. I could clearly hear him yelling out “Yes!” from the gap in the door. When Steve walked back in, he was all smiles and looked like the proverbial cream filled cat. We all turned to him as he sat down and with great excitement he blurts out

She got her period. Fuckin’ A

My boss’ face went redder than the time he ate a double quarter pounder in one go.
I’m guessing there will be fewer Ho’s in next year’s basket.


Yo, where my tweeps at?! – http:/twitter.com/DUFL

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One Comment

  1. Posted December 5, 2009 at 1:37 PM | Permalink

    you continue to make me laugh!

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